things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
