So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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