White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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