I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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