Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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