That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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