I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
