We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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