Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
