took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
