Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My balls are so social today.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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