Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
