By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
