it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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