I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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