Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
