hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
