So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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