I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
