Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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