i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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