high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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