I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
