sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
