it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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