ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
