I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
