its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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