Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
