i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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