you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
