I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
