Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
