please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
