I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
