So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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