I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
