nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
