you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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