You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
