6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
