I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
