If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
