This girl is more easily done than said...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
