life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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