I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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