why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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