dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
