I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
