I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
