Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sarcasm needs its own font
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
