I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My feet surprised me
Randomize
