Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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